So for Another Moment of Honesty

No, I haven't really been on a date since I was separated. But I have managed to make a few mistakes along the way.

I didn't cheat on my ex. After we separated, I managed to get involved(not like you can date) with a married man. I always thought it was ridiculous when I heard other stories of "being the other woman". its not as if you don't know they are married. At first it was great, because I thought that it was a good way of staying emotionally unattached. I was wrong. We had so much that we could talk about. It wasn't long before we were too attached emotionally. I really thought that he would leave her. He said he was going to. I did feel really bad about it, but he seemed so perfect. Well, long story short, he couldn't do it. Thank goodness I didn't wait too long to figure this out. He said he just needed time, but I decided I had to move on with my life. I had been unhappy for so long, why would I be in another relationship that left me unfulfilled?
We did form a bond, and are still friends. I know that sounds so unlikely, but he was very understanding. He is still with his wife. I know I shouldn't have put myself in that position, but I dont regret it. I made the right choice in the end, and hopefully learned a little too.

Next, I found myself involved with one of my best friends. We hung out, mostly laying around the house watching tv. Of course there is no whooing when you are so close anyway. I didn't want people to know, to save my reputation. After over a year of us "hanging out", I was finally ready to actually date him. I guess you can't go backwards, or maybe once a guy gets too comfy he doesn't like change. As much as he didn't like it, I told him I wanted to see other people if we weren't going to actually be a couple. We are very close, but it's very hard to live a double life. I didn't have him around my baby much, because I didn't want her becoming too attached. He is great with her, thats why I had to try and make a decision. He made it for me I guess. It has been a hard, but almost successful break from him. He doesn't want to be with me, but just doesn't want me to be with anyone else. It was July when I told him I wanted to see other people, and it's been less than a month since I broke down and spent some time with him.

I knew both of them for quite a while before we ever got more involved. I am still friends with them.

So I haven't had a real date. I have no idea what it is like to meet a random guy, and him ask for my number, and ask me on a date. To tell you the truth, it scares me. I want to be normal.